Self-Regulation

A big part of my job, and anyone else working with youth or vulnerable persons really, teachers, nurses, daycare workers, etc., is self regulation. If you asked me a year ago if I was self-aware I would probably respond with, ‘yeah, I guess’ while not really know what you’re talking about. It’s incredible really, the difference of where I am today from a year ago. Not really knowing what I’m doing with my life, not having a plan or even a concrete idea of who I am. There’s a line in a song that really struck a nerve with me, “sometimes you gotta get scars to get what you deserve.” Had I not fallen deep into the soul sucking pit that is anxiety I wouldn’t have re-evaluated myself and my life. I started meditating, and honestly not even regularly. But every now and then if I’m finding I’m having a hard time turning the thoughts off in my head I’ll turn on Headspace. More often than not, I’ll turn it on before bed or before a nap, I find it’s the best way to shut off the continuous thoughts running through my head. Whether or not that’s the point is another debate. The idea behind meditating isn’t to change your thoughts or feelings, it’s simply to acknowledge their presence. For me, it helps with my anxiety. It’s very rare for me to have a panic attack these days, but I do still feel some anxiety on occasion. Only now, instead of being scared of the pain and trying to distract myself with something else while “secretly” still thinking about how bad it hurts, I can say, “okay, I’m having some anxiety, what did I do today that is making me feel this way?” By acknowledging my emotions and inner conflicts I have an easier time reconciling them, as well as the environment around me. My children, for example, the way we (I) handle conflict now is entirely different than I did last year. There’s no more screaming or yelling, slamming doors or stomping feet (for the most part anyway). I don’t need to raise my voice for them to be able to hear me. But, and here is the difference, I can’t raise my voice and yell at the students I work with as I were their mother, because I am not their mother. You wouldn’t expect this behavior of your children’s teachers, nurses, daycare providers, coaches, etc. So, instead of ‘losing control,’ I (sometimes take a deep breath in) take a step back and try to see ‘what am I doing wrong?’ The idea that you could even do something wrong in the first place might be something you need to swallow, it certainly was for me. Acknowledging mistakes, accepting responsibility for those mistakes, and learning from them. That is essentially what life is all about. Being mindful of your own emotions and practice techniques to help bring you back to a positive state are key aspects in these types of settings, with these types of people. It’s not only healthier for your client/patient, but yourself as well. This allows you to prevent yourself into snowballing, and also prevents you mirroring your negative emotions on to your patient/client. For me, it’s helped make me a better person.